what have i done

what have i done

after so long, we finally have a heated argument. i could no longer hold back. i guess the same happens to you. perhaps like you said, i am pushing you over the edge. and it scares me. it scares me that this is it. the end. the end of our friendship. or ‘friendship’ as you put it.

 

it breaks my heart to see what have i done. trust me when i said i never intend it to happen that way. i guess, i was just overwhelmed by all the negativity building up deep inside me and i just burst.

 

i don’t know how i can make you see what i see or feel what i feel. i am not asking you to be with me my dear friend. the moment when you rejected me, i already know it for sure.

 

but my dear friend, the reason why i am acting what i did was because i can feel that i am losing you, forever.

 

you never shows you would want to maintain our friendship after you left for good. and that scares me. that put me in such an insecure place. i know i have been telling you that i won’t contact with anyone that i have fallen in love with because the pain is too much to bear.

 

but do you know, the reason why i said what i said?

 

i was waiting you to said, if you not going to contact me, i will contact you. even if it is a lie, it would makes me feel so much better. to feel appreciated that i am a friend that is meant to keep. at least it shows that our friendship meant something to you.

 

did you realised even after we have so much talk on this issue, you are still waiting for me to initiate any sort of contact. that’s the reason why i told you, if i stopped contacting you, you would not contact me at all. this is how a relationship starts to drift apart. you may not agree but look around how many people have become a stranger after years of losing contact? how many of them have the awkwardness when they met each other? the conversation would just stuck on the good old’ time. eventually, people would see no point of meeting up since we just repeating over the same thing over and over again.

 

i love you. that is for sure. and i wanted to be with you. and that is for sure as well. and this is something that is not going to happen at all. and i know it for sure.