You're The One That I Want

You're The One That I Want

Time heals as the saying goes by. In some ways it does hold a certain degree of truth. Perhaps for me it is still not time yet. Otherwise, I won’t be feeling so down after meeting with you. I can’t deny the fact that it was wonderful to finally meeting you again after almost half a year. After that day, at your father wake, I no longer initiate for a meet up with you. Apart from giving you some space, I guess I was also giving myself a chance to let it go.

Yet, as it was proven again this week. I can’t let you go. As much as I wanted to deny the feeling I still have for you, it still echo from faraway memories. I miss you dearly. I love you clearly.

Sitting across the table, there are so many time I just wanted to leap over and hugged you dearly and to tell you everything is ok. I am here. Let me share your sorrow, your burden. Let me take care of you. All I wanted is for you to be happy.

We talked for whole night, we shared our stories. I said many things, but never the truth that I have been dying to let you know. That I still care for you. That I still love you. That I still haven’t let you go. Instead, I told you to get on and find your happiness. It pains me dearly. It was more hurtful when you ask me to have my own happiness as well. I know you mean well, but A, do you know that I still very much hung up on you.

I sometimes, wonder what makes me so crazy over you. What i like you as a person. truthfully, i don’t know. i don’t know what i love about you. but i do know being with you, spending time together, is the most wondrous thing i have done in my entire life. being with you, brings me to places that no one else can.  i could look at you whole day without feeling ever so bore. your smile, brought a smile to my face as well.

that day, at the wake of your father, seeing you in such a devastated state, i cried at my incompetent to protect you. i cried for the sorrow that you need to bear. i cried for the things that you went through. it hit me right at my gut. i feel like i am losing you.

the thing is, i thought being apart from each other so far, my feeling for you would drizzle down. but i guess, that’s not really what happened here. instead, it amplified ever so with your presence.

you shows me that you carried our group photo of five in your wallet, that you never forgot us. but do you know that i carried yours in my wallet as well. the one i that i took with you on your last day in SPI. i also have your other picture at my workplace. at home, i ping the rest at the board in front of my laptop.

i feel like i am losing myself. i guess, the truth is i did. on the day, i lost you, i think, i lost part of me as well.