tessellate

tessellate

what a powerful word. at least it is for me at the moment. i mean, the word does mean, to decorate a floor with mosaic using tiles. every piece counts.

 

dear friend, every since that fateful night where we have a heated argument. i’m sensing we are drifting further away, unfortunately so. if i have the chance, i would take it right back that night. i would shut myself and let it be. it is just not worth it for us to drift apart. though, you still insisting nothing changes between us. the only thing that changed was me. but my friend, feeling don’t lie. you have no idea how much i wanted us to be back when we could just be at ease with each other, with no awkwardness in between.

 

it breaks my heart where once two friends that was close drifted into such a distance. now we barely speaks to each other at all.

 

is a gamble that i took and it costs me dearly. i finally understand why some people would rather keep their feeling to themselves than to fess up.

 

the end of october is in nigh. it frightens me. where does this lead us? would we slowly drift apart and become a stranger? or would we still keep in touch?

 

though, i have been saying i never keep in touch with people that i have fallen into. but the truth is, i have every intend to do so. yet, the reason i withdraw myself was to see how many of them actually think that i am worthy enough to be keep in their friend list. how many of them willing to take the effort to do so.

 

sadly not one of them.

 

i can’t foresee what we would become in future. maybe we would lost in touch. maybe we won’t. the future is filled with unpredictability.

 

my only wish is that i hope we don’t end things like this. like how we are right know. even if we drift apart at least it ended on a sweet note rather than on the sour side.

 

i am sorry of how things turn out, my friend. believe me, truly believe me, it was never ever my intention to do so. you could never imagine how awful it makes me feel. how much pain it bores on me.

 

if we never ever get back to how awesome we are as a friend back then, i am sincerely sorry.

 

truly…

heal for the honey

heal for the honey

ever since i stopped blogging since last year abandoning my music blog, shutting down my another years old personal blog and deserting this space for eons. i never found the right timing, or the epiphany to get back here to do what i love to do.

 

i don’t know, maybe life caught up with me. or i outgrew blogging. or i just never have the time or strength to scribbles anything down in words anymore. or maybe i have lost my mojo plain and simple.

 

but never ever have i felt so compel to express my love for brooke waggoner . ever since i discovered her on 8tracks. i am madly in love with her ever soothing and immaculate voice. almost angelic at time. her songs just keep giving goosebumps over and over again sending chill down my spine. it is that eerie good!

 

tina fey once said that she believes that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich, but I think if she heard her songs, she might change that statement.

 

what i really want in life is to sit in peace and enjoy a beautiful song with a tub of ice cream.  : )

 

 

 

Points of light
Shooting' through the tree-stained vines
It draws me in
To catch a fistful of wind and chime

 

Poised, unrefined
Delicate and loosely loosely lined
Oh I am a dreamer
But I'll deny it til' the day I die

 

'Cause all day long I heal for the honey
Waitin' for the one I love
The noons are hot with heartache aplenty
I'm lovesick and undone

what have i done

what have i done

after so long, we finally have a heated argument. i could no longer hold back. i guess the same happens to you. perhaps like you said, i am pushing you over the edge. and it scares me. it scares me that this is it. the end. the end of our friendship. or ‘friendship’ as you put it.

 

it breaks my heart to see what have i done. trust me when i said i never intend it to happen that way. i guess, i was just overwhelmed by all the negativity building up deep inside me and i just burst.

 

i don’t know how i can make you see what i see or feel what i feel. i am not asking you to be with me my dear friend. the moment when you rejected me, i already know it for sure.

 

but my dear friend, the reason why i am acting what i did was because i can feel that i am losing you, forever.

 

you never shows you would want to maintain our friendship after you left for good. and that scares me. that put me in such an insecure place. i know i have been telling you that i won’t contact with anyone that i have fallen in love with because the pain is too much to bear.

 

but do you know, the reason why i said what i said?

 

i was waiting you to said, if you not going to contact me, i will contact you. even if it is a lie, it would makes me feel so much better. to feel appreciated that i am a friend that is meant to keep. at least it shows that our friendship meant something to you.

 

did you realised even after we have so much talk on this issue, you are still waiting for me to initiate any sort of contact. that’s the reason why i told you, if i stopped contacting you, you would not contact me at all. this is how a relationship starts to drift apart. you may not agree but look around how many people have become a stranger after years of losing contact? how many of them have the awkwardness when they met each other? the conversation would just stuck on the good old’ time. eventually, people would see no point of meeting up since we just repeating over the same thing over and over again.

 

i love you. that is for sure. and i wanted to be with you. and that is for sure as well. and this is something that is not going to happen at all. and i know it for sure.